Natalia
by mockingwords
Summary: Everyone has got a past, but she never did like thinking about her's.


_Poise._

 _Grace._

 _Dance._

The words echoed through her memory as she found herself stumbling, shielding her eyes from the bright light. She found herself standing at the top of a grand marble staircase. Her fingers trailed the wooden bannister, her eyes scanning the room for any potential threat. She had been fighting Ultron before this, but where was she now?

 _"_ _Sloppy. Again. From the top."_

Natalia remembered that voice well, although she could not put a name to it. She walked down the stairway, looking around. She noticed the paintings hung on the wooden panelled walls. They were of past ballerinas, the prima ballerinas of… The _Red Room_ …

They were the pride and joy of the Red Room, the result of hours and hours of backbreaking practice. Tall, dark oak brown columns decorated the hallway. She remembered it well, every crook and crevice of the place. She made her way down the stairs, and she heard the distant muffled sounds of music playing.

 _Tchaikovsky's Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy_

It was a faster rendition, but she would recognize that song everywhere. She followed the direction of the sound, reaching a door with a glass screen. Edging closer towards the door, she saw ballerinas. They were dancing gracefully, their movements precise. Their expressions were calm but she could tell they were straining to keep it intact. Their legs were already noticeably shaking with exhaustion, foreheads beaded with sweat. Behind the dancers, she noticed a group of young girls sitting, watching their every move with apt attention. Natalia knew that they were probably going to have to reproduce every movement later on.

She watched, never taking her eyes off the way they moved.

"You're going to break them." Natalia whispered.

 _"_ _Only the breakable ones."_ A voice whispered back to her. She turned around, startled, but nobody was in sight.

* * *

 _She held the gun in one hand comfortably; with more familiarity than any 16 year old should have with a gun._

 _"_ _Shoot."_

 _She did as told, her fingers closing around the trigger. The gunshots went off one by one, hitting their target from a good distance of two meters. The target board held her bullets, right at the center. Natalia switched hands with meticulous movements, continuously hitting her target. She didn't hesitate to continue until her instructor told her to stop._

 _"_ _Very good Natalia."_

 _They brought away the target board, replacing it instead with a man. He had a bag on his head, his hands bound behind his back. Her instructor said nothing, but Natalia knew what they wanted her to do._

 _She pulled the trigger without hesitation, watching as the blood splattered against her arm and dress. She didn't even flinch as they dragged the man out of her view, his body limp and lifeless._

 _"_ _The graduation ceremony will be held next week. You will be graduating as one of our top students Natalia,_ я очень горжусь тобой*."

 _She didn't say it, nor did she show it, but she was terrified. She knew what they would do to you once you were chosen to graduate the Red Room._

 _Natalia Romanova; she had been trained well, in the arts of assassination and espionage._

* * *

 _She walked in to the room, unaware of what she was going to be facing. Her instructor had asked her to meet her in this room. A piano, brown of oak, stood in the corner of the room, untouched. Natalia brushed the hair out of her eyes. None of the other girls had been asked to come with her, but then again, they were not friends. They were not anything, they were barely even acquaintances. They trained in ballet together, they had their meals together, but when they stood on opposite ends of the sparring ring, there were no friendships recalled._

 _It was better off this way, there were no attachments in the Red Room, they would only get you killed. Natalia knew that very well. She had been taken in here with 27 other girls, 15 of them are dead now. They had not passed the test, and when they were pitted against each other, they were expected to fight to the death. She heard the sound of footsteps approaching and she turned immediately, her senses on high alert. Something wasn't right._

 _Two extremely large and bulky men appeared and one of them attempted to grab her. She ducked and swiped his legs from right underneath him, kneeing him in the face. she heard the satisfying loud crunching sound of bones being broken. The second man lunged at her. That was when she noticed her instructor standing in the corner, eyeing her like a hawk._

 _Her body almost froze. This was a test. This was a test to determine if she had the skills that she needed to walk out of here with the title of the Black Widow. Natalia weighed her options, could she pretend to fail this test and remain for a longer time until she could make up her mind?_

 _Yes, that seemed like the only way. She must risk it._

 _She almost allowed the man to grab her but slipped away at the last second. Natalia would never have been so sloppy in an actual fight, but now she was letting it happen. She fought back, giving him a roundhouse kick to the jaw._ _The man spat out a tooth like it was nothing and charged at her again. She tried to escape but he had her in a headlock._ _It was necessary to make it look like she was incapable of beating the man._ _Gasping for oxygen, she slapped his heavy arm repeatedly, struggling to break free. The man let go and she panted heavily, her body trying to take in as much oxygen as her lungs would allow for it._

 _"Sloppy. Pretending to fail. I'm disappointed in you_ _Наталия_ ***** " _Her instructor said, turning around and stalking out of the room._

 _Natalia stood there, still trying to catch her breath. There was no use, she could not fool her instructor. And now she was left with not a choice._

* * *

 _She woke up after the procedure, feeling no different, but she was sick to her stomach. She knew what was missing. She felt the emptiness inside when they took it away from her. For a long time, she sat there, back in her room, silently mourning her loss. The snow was beginning to fall outside and she felt the cold seep through her body, but she did not care. She was already chilled to the bones with grief._

 _And then she cried. She wept silently, the salty tears running down her face. She had not cried in a long time, they had not allowed it and she had followed their every word and order. Natalia brought her knees up to her chest, her entire body shaking. Those who shared the room with her cast her a look of sympathy but she could not care less. She was brought in to the Red Room without knowing what would become of her future, and now, while she was alive, she could no longer have the future she had thought about as a child. She had vague memories of her parents, laughing sweetly together as they danced around the room in firelight. They didn't have the money for much, but she remembered how warm she felt on those cold winter nights._

 _Now she only felt numb._

* * *

"Natasha."

The voice was distant to her ears, her mind trying to process what was going on. She felt the pain throbbing through her entire being as she slowly opened her eyes. As she felt the blurriness fade away, she realized where she was. She was back in the Avengers Tower, her head aching. The pain was unbearable, and she was used to a lot of pain.

"Nat, hey."

There was somebody in her room, but she did not know who. She turned her head to the right, trying to avoid the ceiling lights that were shining right into her eyes.

"On your left."

It took her more than a few seconds to process the voice and the familiar catchphrase, "Steve?"

"Hey, are you okay? Can I get you anything?" He asked, his voice gentle. She groaned in pain as she shifted slightly, "What happened?"

"Thor said it was one of the twins, the girl has some sort of mind control power." He said, shaking his head, "Took all of us by surprise."

Natasha vaguely remembered what the vision was about, and her hands began to shake. She wasn't that person anymore, she wasn't as ruthless as she was anymore. She wanted to wipe the red out her ledger, something she had been wanting to do for a long time. Natasha knew she had caused more bloodshed than anyone else on this team, including Clint. He had saved her and gave her a second chance at doing what she thought would be the right thing to do. "Are you okay? Can I get you anything?"

"I'm fine Rogers, I'm not as fragile as you might imagine you know." She said, one arm over her eyes.

"Of course I know that Nat, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to care for you."

She was almost lost for words but she quickly composed herself, "You're growing sappy soldier."

"Only for you."

She didn't know what to say, but she believed that as long as she had someone who did genuinely care for her, it was enough for her.

* * *

* **я очень горжусь тобой -** I'm very proud of you

* ** _Наталия_** \- Natalia

 **A/N:** Cover art is from Deviantart, oh you talented people I'm extremely jealous, kudos to the artist!


End file.
